Worry

"How much pain they have cost us, the evils which have never happened" ~ Thomas Jefferson


Why do I worry?
                    
                    worry.....

                              worry....

What is this that lives within me...and takes the joy from my days?   

                               Paralyzing fear that I will relive my horror of losing him...

The inconceivable happened, in turn rationalizing my fears.... how do I know the difference between being

justified in my worries or not?

                                           Held prisoner by this fear... I worry and worry some more..

Sickening are the feelings that overcome me... my arms begin to quiver... my stomach begins to turn...

     I can't breathe..... I force myself ... Breathe... in...out......slowly.... relax .....I try... but to no avail..

                  The fear of losing someone I love condemns me to this place...
   
            Only until my fears are put to rest... and I'm assured everything will be alright...does it begin to retreat.

                                                           but I continue to shake... and will worry again...

Without realizing it... I have held my dear ones responsible for my fear... why?    It isn't their fear...

                                             How do I stop this....
                                                       Am I crazy? .....
                                                               How long can I stay behind these walls I loathe?
                                                                       I want to be free....how do I undo this?

The past has changed me....

                         It is MY responsibilty to take control of my fear...

                                                         Grant me patience to work through this...

Some of your hurts you have cured,
And the sharpest you still have survived,
But what torments of grief you endured
From the evil which never arrived.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson